I HAVE A JOB, EVERYONE.
The job I spoke about at Clinton’s…the one they said ‘it’s not a no, it’s an I don’t know’ never got back to me again. BOOOOOOO.
BUT last week I got an email from one of my old managers at Waterstones asking if I would be willing to come in for an interview and GUYS, GUESS WHAT?!
I’M A BOOKSELLER AGAIN AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER BECAUSE I LOVE BEING A BOOKSELLER MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, EVEN CAKE.
And I wanted to be a really annoying, mother type figure today and give some tough love advice. If you have anxiety or agoraphobia and you don’t have a job. GET ONE.
Yes you will be shit scared but oh my god how AMAZING you feel when you get a job. You immediately have a greater sense of self-worth, you get to meet new people and make new friends, you learn to manage your anxiety but you also are DOING something which means you don’t have time to think about your anxiety.
I was petrified to go into work on Thursday because the last time I was on the train I had a panic attack. YAY. So I was shaking with nerves before I’d even left the house. Thankfully one of my gorgeous friends was a legend and rang me for twenty minutes whilst I waited for the train and got onto it and kept me distracted for part of the journey. And then I was on my own.
I got off the train, I went to Sainsbury’s to buy my lunch, I walked to the shop and then I started my first day back at Waterstones (I worked there for just under a year before) and MY ANXIETY WAS OK. I DID NOT DIE.
And that’s what I’m relearning…it is ALL in my head. The only reason I get anxious is because I overanalyse and worry about things that haven’t even happened. The reality is vastly different. Yes, I’ve had a few wobbly moments but they’ve passed quickly.
And in just TWO days of being back at work my confidence has grown so much.
On Thursday a man said I was wonderful, that because he now knew I worked in the shop he’d definitely be back. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.
I helped a couple find the perfect book for their four year old grandchild on Friday and they were so thankful my heart melted a little bit.
I met a tiny dog called Daisy who barked the shop down but she was cute AF. (I nearly stole her)
Basically my life is amazing because I have a job again. I have a reason to get up every day, I get to meet so many new people every day, I get to earn money every day. I get paid to sell books. Basically could I be any luckier?!
All I want to say is: get a job. Stop with the excuses because that’s what I hid behind for so long. You CAN do it, OK? I promise you that you can. Try it, give it a go and see how much you will amaze yourself. I know it’s easy for someone to say that but I KNOW what it’s like to be at rock bottom and I know how hard it can be to get to the top again but I promise that finding something to do, even volunteering, will make a huge difference to your mental health.
Many employers are also very understanding now about mental health and you are protected under the Equality Act so you are entitled to reasonable adjustments to your workplace or work times for example if you struggle to commute during rush hour or you find that you work better in a room with a window, you prefer working from home, or you need time off for doctors appointments etc.
SO please, give it a go.
Be brave xx
*mum mode disactivated*