Guest Post: The Femi-Net by Frances Moloney

In today’s blog post I wanted to write about the relationship between the internet and feminism, in short, the ‘femi-net’. The internet has fast become a space where everyone and anyone can have their voice heard, and whilst that has its negatives with the rise of cyber-bullying, trolling and articles inciting hatred and abuse, the message of togetherness coming from certain corners of the web couldn’t be more positive and has given rise of a wide range of female voices across a huge variety of genres.

There seems to have been a renewed interest in feminism over the past few years with public figures such as Lena Dunham presenting alternative female role models onscreen and books like Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Women, Laura Bates’ Everyday Sexism and Roxane Gay’s Bad Feminist taking the fore. There is now a Women’s Equality Party here in the UK and the debate surrounding equal pay has reached new heights of publicity with Hollywood stars such as Jennifer Lawrence getting involved. And that’s not to mention Emma Watson’s high-profile He for She campaign that prominent figures like Tom Hanks have gotten behind, with a recent Esquire magazine cover featuring the pair.

It seems that now is a great time for female voices, and the internet is creating a space for these voices to be heard, and to reach wider audiences than was possible before; not only women but men and young adults also. Online magazines such as The Vagenda and The Standard Issue create spaces for feminist voices and this has started to filter down into the everyday superstars of the moment; bloggers and vloggers.

The recent rise of the superstar blogger and vlogger has created a new voice for a new generation of consumers. There doesn’t even have to be an explicit feminist message in their content but just by occupying cyber space, females see a rise in airtime. Zoella has 10 million subscribers on Youtube, and popular blogger/vlogger Tanya Burr is educating an audience of 3.5 million about #globalgoals, a campaign to create equality around the globe. You don’t need someone else’s validation to be a successful female star anymore, you can create it yourself.

There are the fitness bloggers, such as Zanna Van Dijk who promotes healthy body image and strength to women everywhere through the #girlgains campaign. And the women talking about beauty and homeware and fashion? This may seem vapid to some but they are still occupying this space and getting more female voices into the mainstream. Never has there been a better time for speaking your mind, getting your voice heard and listened to, and promoting solidarity amongst your peers.

I feel as though the internet has created a great space for female voices, from Emma Gannon’s recent podcast series Ctrl Alt Delete which features a range of prominent women’s voices all with successful, non-traditional, creative careers. If the mainstream has a lack of space for female voices, the internet has given rise to a new area for women to be heard, and the range and scope of material is wide and prolific.

So it seems like now is a great time to get your voice heard on the internet. Why not try setting up your own blog or joining an online community of like-minded people, there really is space for everyone.

For more from Frances follow her 

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The Power of the Internet; Friendships

Just like with everything else, friends come in all shapes and sizes - they also come from many different places and today I wanted to focus on long-distance friendships.

Ever since the internet arrived in my house (I was 13), I have been conversing with people from all over the world. Very quickly I was considering these people my friends and I was closer to them then I was to anyone I was at school with. Mostly because I really struggled with my friends in school. From being ignored for no reason, to being teased, to having to sit through sex talk, etc, I ended up flitting from one group of friends to the next like a yo-yo and never really feeling like I belonged. It became easier to deal with knowing that when I got home I could talk to my real friends. School and my friendships there meant nothing to me, the internet meant everything.

Before I continue on, I want to let you know that I know all about the problems with creepy people on the internet trying to lure children. I was aware then and I am aware now. This is in no way a post to say it doesn't happen, this is just my experience of how things panned out. 

The people that I spoke to were people that I was writing with - we were roleplaying. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a game where you are on a forum and you have a character or two and you interact with other people's characters. I ended up on Harry Potter Roleplaying forums and really enjoyed coming up with plots and writing out scenes with my friends. It wasn't until I had been writing and talking to people for three years before I even considered meeting any of them. Three years meant that I was fairly sure they were who they said they were plus, it would take a lot of effort to keep up a charade for three years including writing on a forum daily so I was fairly confident I knew it wasn't a creep on the other end of the computer. But before I went, we all had a skype session as well, so we all know what everyone looked like too!

Meeting my first two internet friends was an amazing experience. It felt like we'd known each other for years - I mean, we had. We hugged for the first time and it was wonderful, and then we grabbed coffee and chatted together for hours. It was such an incredibly experience. I left them both promising to meet up with them again for sure. I never did. I have now, in fact, lost touch with them both which is incredibly sad but also a part of life. They were in my life when I needed them and I was in theirs when they needed me.

Since that first meeting, I've met a lot more of my online friends. And every single time it is an amazing experience. It's like we've known each other for years and that added goodness of actually seeing them and being able to hold them and hug them is incredible. Because as amazing as having internet friends is, having real life people around you for comfort is a good thing. It also makes the friendships stronger because you suddenly know for sure that the person you're conversing with is real and they're wonderful and amazing and always there if you need them.

These days most of my online friends are bloggers like myself - although I am still in touch with some of my roleplaying buddies, ten years and counting! - and, fortunately, a lot of them are based in the UK and we get to meet fairly regularly with all of the blogger meet ups, etc. But there are still some online friends that I have never met and, honestly, may never have the opportunity to meet due to where they are based in the world. Such as two of my most favourite people living in Australia.

And thus I wanted to end this post on the downside of online friendships. Because although I love having people I can talk to with similar interests, people who have helped keep me sane over the years - sort of - and who have stopped me from doing the terrible things my brain sometimes tells me to do. There are drawbacks to only knowing someone online. You can never hold them and hug them. You can never look into their eyes. You can often feel hopeless when they're struggling because you're miles away unable to really help. You can feel sad and alone yourself because they're not online when you need them and even if they were, they couldn't help you anyway. It might not be the person you think it is.

But even with those downsides, I wouldn't stop having my online friends. My online friends are the ones that know me inside out. They've heard my deepest secrets and healed my deepest hurts. They metaphorically hug me when I need it and wipe the tears from my eyes. My soul is open to them and it's wonderful. All of my online friends have become closer to me than most of my offline friends and once again, knowing they're there helps me get through each day. And, in this wonderful world of technology, I am also able to contact them whenever and wherever I am. 

So to me online friendships are just as, if not more valid, than offline friendships. They're the glue that keeps me from breaking, the crutches that keep me from falling. Without them, I'd have crumbled a long time ago.

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Turn It Off

During the middle of March my internet stopped working. One minute I was surfing the web and the next I was filled with fear as the google chrome dinosaur told me he couldn’t display the page.

The whole family couldn’t connect to the internet either so we did the whole trouble shooting thing; unplugging leads, checking phone connections were OK, blowing dust off of things…alas the internet still wouldn’t work.

At this point I was a little nervous. I need the internet.

The next day, with the internet still not working, dad took one for the team and spent an age on the phone to someone in America who was following a script and was about as much help as a chocolate tea pot. She told him to plug different things in and take other things out and she ran some tests which all came back as ‘inconclusive’. Hurrah. Then she dropped the bombshell…an engineer couldn’t come out and fix it until the FIRST OF APRIL. TWO WHOLE WEEKS AWAY.

Like, fo real?

To cut a long story short, we switched broadband providers but still had to wait over two weeks until the swapping was complete.

So, my friends, what would you do if you didn’t have internet for two weeks?

Cry?

Yeah, I nearly did. See, the internet is my life. The first thing I do when I wake up is check social media, the last thing I do before I go to bed is check social media. I talk to friends on social media. I catch up with TV online. I order the weekly food shopping online. I download books online. I use the online library. MY WHOLE LIFE REVOLVES AROUND BEING ONLINE.

I felt like I was suddenly disconnected from everything that I needed in my life. I had a small amount of phone data left and so rationed it to be able to check social media a few times a day, because, god forbid, I couldn’t miss out on anything.

But as the days started to move along, I realised that I have a seriously unhealthy relationship with the internet. It’s like my backbone. I would find my hands instinctively reaching for my phone to check Twitter or thinking ‘let me just google that’ and I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything online.

Instead I had to find other ways to fill the never-ending days. It hit home, during those two and a bit weeks, how much of my day I waste online. I suddenly had all of the time in the world and it was a daunting experience.

I started sitting at my desk, listening to the Wicked soundtrack and colouring in a children’s garden colouring book. I started watching TV when it was on, instead of on catch up. I spent time with my parents. I did a lot of gardening. I read. I wrote a lot of my novel. It was actually a very productive time for me and as the days passed, my fear of missing out reduced and I began to find life without the internet was actually pretty cool.

There was no stress and pressure to tweet all day long, there wasn’t the need to keep up with my blogging, I didn’t have to take lots of photos for Instagram. I didn’t care that I was behind on my YouTube subscriptions. I felt so unburdened and SO relaxed. Instead of checking social media when I woke up, I looked out the window instead, I watched my fish swim around their tank, I read a bit of a book.

And I realised that the internet has taken over my life. I am a self-confessed internet addict. If I’m not online I get really intense FOMO, if I’m doing something I have the urge to tweet about it, when I’m thinking about things I write blog posts in my head. My whole world revolves around the internet. And, sadly, I don’t think I’m the only one.

When we got the text to say ‘your internet is working again’ I was excited beyond belief but as we followed the instructions and plugged things in and turned things on, I actually didn’t want to have the internet back. I wanted to prolong my internet free time because it had been such a calming and relaxing experience.

I finally got back online and wasted no time catching up on all the things I’d missed out on. It was an almost euphoric feeling, being able to sit with my laptop and explore the whole of the internet again.

 

But, like an addict who gets a high, I very quickly came crashing back down to earth and felt suddenly really really really under pressure again. And it was horrible. Suddenly I needed to think of witty tweets again, I needed to update my blog, I had to keep up with everything that was going on and to be brutally honest, I didn’t give a fuck about most of it. Being away from the internet made me realise what is actually important in my life. And social media, blogging and YouTube and all that stuff…well, it isn’t important.

What is important is having ‘you’ time, spending time with family, relaxing, not feeling under pressure to update people constantly on your life. It’s important to spend time not looking at a screen, to actually talk to people in real life, to spend time connecting to the real world around you.

And for a long time I haven’t been doing enough of that.

But I hope that will change. I am going to start spending less time on the internet, less time blogging less time trying to perfectly craft a tweet. Less time caring what people on social media think of me, less time watching videos of people that present unrealistic versions of real life.

I’m going to focus on real things that make me happy. Like my writing and reading and spending time with people I love and doing yoga and colouring in and just being more in the moment. Rather than wasting hours sitting on the internet wondering why I feel so depressed.

Are you willing to take the challenge? Could you last two weeks without the internet? Do you think you’d find it as hard as I did?

For me it was a blessing in disguise. It gave me a much needed reality check and I can’t tell you how much I wish everyone could go through it too. I want everyone to reassess their relationship with the internet and realise that it’s not the be all and end all.

Go on. Switch it off. I dare you... 

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