Time Out

I am a person who likes Doing Things. This has been true for many years. My mum always used to wonder how I can manage to fill my time, especially summer holidays. I was always busy, never really bored. Even though I have brothers and sisters, I was very good at entertaining myself and finding something to do. Even if that something wasn’t useful. Sims 2 anyone? 

I recognise this in myself as a good trait. It means I am more inclined to try new things, to explore the world, go to events by myself and generally whittle away the hours in contentment. 

My home for the next three days. Aaaaand relax. #Portugal #travelling pic.twitter.com/Gn1taFbzNQ

— Debbie (@SnugglingonSofa) October 18, 2016

Lately however, its become more problematic. I have a job which takes up quite a lot of my life, and more recently its become a little unbalanced so I’ve dedicated more of my life to work. Which is fine, except something else has to give. There is no wiggle room. But the problem is, I really like my life. I enjoy spending time with friends, eating out and going to the theatre and cinema, travelling and going to new places. I’m also working on my 30 Before 30 List. 

So as a result, my juggling became more and more chaotic until I started dropping balls. My mum got upset that I wasn’t talking to her much. Friends were annoyed that I kept cancelling or disappearing. I was trying to run (literally, 5k) on very little sleep. Consequently, my mental health suffered. My anxieties shot through the roof. I was stressed out and ironically I didn’t even have the time to plan how to deal with it. 

As many of you know, lists are my thing. I love a spreadsheet and a to list. But sometimes, I forgot that life shouldn’t be one giant task. I was so busy ticking things off that I forgot to actually savour the moment. While its great to have lots of amazing stuff planned, sometimes spontaneity is okay. Not doing anything is also okay. 

Luckily for me, work is going to calm down a little for the next few months. And of course I am seizing this opportunity to get lots of things done (like finally teaching myself to cook!!) but I also recognise the need to look after myself too. Because I haven’t been, and that needs to change. There is no point accomplishing things if I am tearing my hair out whilst doing it.

So right now, I am curled up with a blanket writing this blog post. And when its done, I’m going to treat myself to a film. No social media, no blogging or net surfing or multitasking. Brains deserve a break too!

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Music is the Strongest form of Magic

As far as I can remember, I always have been a music lover. As a child I used to record songs from the radio onto cassette (yes, I am that old). Half the fun was trying to get the timing perfect so you had no silly radio DJ talking at the beginning or end, just pure music. My sister and I used to make up dance routines to music videos, and I went to dance classes. Even now, the songs I spent hours learning the choreography too still stick in my head. 

When somebody asks that famous question of your favourite music, my answer is that I have eclectic tastes. How can you answer with just one song or genre? It's impossible. Sometimes the music just gets to you, and you have no choice. 

More recently, I realised that I actually listen to music quite a lot. I stick my earphones in as soon as I leave the house, and they’re with me for my whole commute, whilst shopping, whilst driving, whilst sleeping, whilst blogging. I just love my life to have a soundtrack.

via GIPHY

But is most important to me is how I can use music as a form of escapism. It’s a way to distance myself from the thoughts in my head but also the world. I don’t have to think about the crowded commute or be distracted by the people around me. It helps me to focus, and to zone out some of the anxieties and madness going on inside. 

I recently broke a pair of headphones in the middle of the day, and it shocked me how much it affected me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would cope, and I became ultra aware of all my surroundings, and all the things I usually blocked out. Needless to say, I immediately went out and bought another pair. I need my safety blanket of headphones. 

On the flip side, music connects me to the world. I love discovering new artists through recommendations, and creating playlists with my friends. I like dancing to songs and feeling that moment when you can just belt out your favourite tune. To be at a gig for your favourite band, and stand singing along with everyone in the crowd, those moments are indescribable. I feel like part of something big and united and it makes something fizzle inside me.

What is amazing is that everyone has a different story, a different experience. Maybe it's the song you first danced to at your wedding, or had your first kiss. The song of the summer, or that tune you just can’t get out of your head. 

Music is my calmness, my alternate reality when things get too harsh in life. I love that I can just take a step back into the world of headphones, and zone out for a little while. My little world away from the world.

I've made a little playlist of a few of my current favourites. If you bump into me, it's likely I'm bopping along to one of these.

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Spending Time with Myself

As an introvert, I have always needed time to myself. As much as I love my friends and enjoy socializing, it becomes exhausting after a while and I have to retreat back to my room and have some me time. But when I dropped out of University and moved back in with my parents, I found I almost had too much me time on my hands. I had no job, no friends in the area as they were all living at University, but I still wanted to go to the cinema, go shopping and do all the things I used to. And so I learned to spend time with myself.

Shopping alone wasn’t something I was unfamiliar with – on my way home from school I passed through my town centre and so if I needed anything I would pop into the mall on my way through. But I had never gone out of my way to go shopping alone before this, and I’ve found I rather like it. There’s no rush, you don’t have to get dragged into anywhere you don’t want to go, and you can spend as long as you like browsing the clothes and trying them on.

Eating alone is a bit harder. I still haven’t quite got to eating in a sit down restaurant by myself (although I definitely want to at some point!) but I’ve sat in chains such as Chipotle, Five Guys and Mcdonalds alone many a time and felt more and more comfortable each time I do it. The trick is to have something to occupy yourself with; I usually opt for a book or catching up with notifications on my phone. This year I’ve even gone to the cinema by myself – I’ll admit this is partially because I get free tickets due to my job and there are some films I simply can’t wait for, but I’ve found it so enjoyable! I definitely plan to go again alone before I leave my job next month.

And I’ve even spent days out in London by myself. I’ve just hopped on the tube and seen where it takes me, exploring my city. When I mentioned that I was going to London alone, my dad thought it a bit odd, and I’ve noticed at work when people come to the cinema by themselves they can sometimes be almost embarrassed. And I’m kind of curious about where this stigma against doing things alone has come from. Some of my favourite days from the past year have been my solitary trips to London, perusing various bookshops, wondering around Soho and getting to know my city like never before. I even spent a couple of days last night in New York City by myself, and whilst extremely overwhelming I was thankful I could take the city at my own pace, eat when I wanted to, and miss out on what I wasn’t bothered about.

This isn’t to say that I hate hanging out with my friends or travelling with other people. I understand that it’s not for everyone, but for me it means I don’t have to miss out on anything just because my friends aren’t nearby or I’m too tired to socialize. Sometimes I just need some me time to relax and take things at my own pace, and you know what? Hanging out with myself can be pretty damn awesome.

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Guaranteed Smiles

Recently I’ve found myself having a series of bad days. Whether due to my mental health, a loved one being ill or the sadness of current world events, over the last few months day after day I’ve found myself feeling low. Then a few weeks ago, I came to the realization that the things I’ve been feeling sad about I can’t change, not really. So I started thinking about what I could change. If I can’t change the sad things that are currently going on in my life and in the world then maybe I can create more happiness to try and balance things out a little.

So I took out my journal and made a list of all of the things that are guaranteed to make me smile and since then I’ve made it a personal goal to do as many of the things on this list as I can when I feel sad. It doesn’t solve any problems, and it doesn’t make the bad things go away but it does steady my mood and helps me to recognise the good things in my life. So today I wanted to share with you my list of Guaranteed Smiles, I’d really encourage any of you to write your own list and put those little rays of happiness into action during those times when life gets dark.

Get Some Fresh Air – Whether taking a short walk, sitting in my garden or simply opening up the windows of my house, getting some fresh air into my lungs helps clear the cobwebs of my mind and makes it easier to breathe when I’m feeling anxious.

Do Something Nice For Someone – This can be something as simple as making someone a cup of tea, paying them a compliment, or buying them a little gift just because. Doing something nice for somebody else makes them happy and in my experience is the most natural way of making myself feel happy in return.

Feel Good Reads- Reading is one of the easiest ways to escape the world for a little while and when I’m feeling sad I like to read something feel good to cheer myself up. Two books that have made me smile recently are You Know Me Well by David Levithan and Nina LaCour and The Plumberry School of Comfort Food by Cathy Bramley.

Pizza – Pizza solves everything.

Surprise Yourself by Jack Garratt – I absolutely love this song and always listen to it on days when I don’t feel like I can cope. The music video for this is incredible, it follows a group of people doing something they didn’t think they could do, if you haven’t watched it yet then you should!

Fresh Flowers – If I’m having a bad mental health day I find it hard to leave my house and so having fresh flowers in my room allows me to bring a little bit of outside in. I usually choose bright colours that will really catch my eye and brighten my space.

Meg – My little dog is such a goofball. She loves life and seeing her play and explore the world always makes me happy.

Pamper Evenings – Sometimes feeling good on the outside helps me to feel better on the inside too. Looking after my body and treating it to some me-time makes me feel great and gives me space to mentally get my thoughts together.

Making Fun Plans – This is a big one for me. Having something on the horizon to look forward to be it a day out or hanging out with friends gives me something good to focus on. Knowing something fun is coming up in the future makes getting through a hard day that little bit easier.

Red Velvet Cake – The ultimate comfort food.

Lighting a Candle – There is something so peaceful about flickering candlelight and if the candle has a beautiful scent even better.

Twitter Favourites – I usually favourite things on Twitter that have made me laugh, have given me faith in the world, or have made me feel valued and loved. Scrolling through a great big list of lovely things that other people have said really cheers me up.

Writing My WIP – I’m currently working on a Women’s Fiction project set in the countryside at Christmas. This WIP contains so many of my favourite things and features characters that I love. Writing it sweeps me away to a place that I love spending time in. It’s also nice to play God and to be able to take control of the world and characters for a while - even if it is only fiction!

Jane the Virgin – This show is a new discovery of mine and it’s so cute I can’t even deal. I recently finished watching the first season on Netflix and am waiting impatiently for them to add season two.

Journaling - Writing in my journal allows me to get all of my thoughts and feelings out in a private place and sometimes just getting them down on to paper is all that is needed for me to feel better and make sense of a situation.

Trying a New Look – Playing around with makeup is one of my favourite ways to get creative and express myself. When I’m feeling down I love trying out new makeup looks and find it fun to switch things up a little (I’m sure this stems from the many teen films I’ve watched where a makeover has solved all of the heroines problems.)

Chatting to Friends – This year I’ve learnt to be really honest with my friends when I’m struggling instead of keeping it all inside. I’ve learnt that it’s okay to lean on them when I need support and that being totally open and honest creates a deeper and more valuable friendship with the people you allow to get close to you.

Making a List of Achievements – It’s easy to look at the people around you and think that they have achieved so much more than you and are in a better place. Instead, when you find yourself thinking those thoughts, turn the focus on you. What have you achieved this year? Make a list of everything you’ve accomplished and take a moment to acknowledge your successes and feel proud of yourself.

I’d love to know, what would be on your list of Guaranteed Smiles?

If you enjoyed this post, you can find more on: 

 Bloglovin' | Twitter | Jess Hearts Books

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Feel Good Music

I love music. I love to put it on loud and dance around my flat whilst singing along (badly but enthusiastically).  I probably annoy my neighbours when I do that but I can't make myself stop.

There are a lot of songs that have memories wrapped around.  Songs that make me smile and laugh. Ones that make the bad days better. And ones I probably shouldn't love but I just do.  And I tend to find a lot of meaning in song lyrics.

I'd struggle to tell you my favourite band or genre because I have ecclectic tastes. I have a special place in my heart for musicals and have a lot of soundtracks in my collection and at the moment I'm on a big Adele kick. But other than that pretty much anything goes.

Here are some of my "feel good" songs. It's taken me much longer to write this post than it should have done because I kept thinking of other better songs to include and having to stop to look them up and sing and dance around to them.

Anything Can Happen from the musical Mary Poppins:


"Anything can happen if you let it 
life out there waiting so go and get it 
grab it by the collar 
seize it by the scruff 
onceyou've started living life you just can't get enough
Anything can happen it's official you can choose the super
or the superficial sally forth the way we're steering obstacles
start disappearing go and chase your dreams you won't regret it"

 Roar by Katy Perry

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Fighter by Christina Aguilera

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

When I see your face,
there’s not a thing that I would change,
'cause you’re amazing
just the way you are
And when you smile,
the whole world stops and stares for a while,
'cause girl, you’re amazing
just the way you are

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How I Self Care My Mental Health

Self-care is about looking after your mental health in the same way you look after your physical health.

Over the past year I’ve really been paying attention to what makes me feel better on days where my mental health is in a bad place and what makes me feel worse. I now try to put the things that make me feel better into practise regularly in the same way somebody might go to the gym three times a week to maintain physical health.

I’ve found that by making a conscious effort to self-care I’m helping look after my mental health as best I can. Everybody self-cares differently but today I wanted to share with you some of the things that help me.


Switch Off Social Media
Being a blogger I find that I’m constantly on social media sharing posts, replying to tweets and interacting with other bloggers. As much as I love doing these things they’re incredibly time consuming.

I try to switch off from social media for an hour every day. It’s surprising how much more energy I put into something when I’m not checking Twitter every 5 minutes. I love having an hour to focus on myself or give someone I love my undivided attention. It makes me feel so much more present in my life.

Change My Diet
I’m far from a healthy eater but when I notice that my mental health is flagging I consciously try to eat better.

Food can play a massive role in moods and hormones. I find that drinking caffeinated drinks when I’m anxious can make my anxiety so much worse so I try to cut back on those and switch to water instead.

For me it’s about making small, easy, changes that go a long way in improving my mood.

Tackle One Small Thing 
Although ignoring everything on my to do list is incredibly tempting on bad days I find that I feel better in myself if I accomplish something. I look for the smallest task on my list and do it. It can be something as simple as washing up or watering the plants. I find that doing one small thing makes me feel better about not being able to manage the big things and gives me some much needed confidence.

Take a Bath
When I’m feeling depressed it can take a lot of effort to do simple things like maintain personal hygiene but something that always makes me feel better is getting clean and my favourite way to get clean is by having a bath.

I like to really treat myself when I take a bath by using some gorgeous products from Lush. I make it a really luxurious experience. I especially like using products that are going to help me to relax and unwind. Not only do I come out of the bath feeling clean but also rested after having some quiet, pampered, me time.

Watch a Sitcom 
If I’m having a hard time with my anxiety I can find it really hard to concentrate which makes it difficult to relax with a book or a movie but I do love to watch sitcoms.

One episode usually only lasts for 20 minutes so I don’t have to concentrate on something for a long period of time and when I’m in that mind frame it feels so good to laugh! If you need some recommendations my favourites are New Girl, Mom, The Office and Friends.

Colour
Colouring in switches my brain off like nothing else. It’s the only time where I fully lose myself and forget about my problems. I can get lost for hours in a world where only shapes and colour exist and sometimes that’s just what I need if my anxiety is making me overthink things.

BuzzFeed 
Notice earlier how I said switch off social media and not the internet? That is because I love Buzzfeed! If I’m feeling down I especially love their quizzes, sometimes you just have to know which Starbucks drink you are y’know? They’re fun, silly and pointless and can be a really great distraction.

Play With My Dog
It’s been scientifically proven that pets reduce stress and anxiety so playing with my dog is a no brainer for me.

Spending time with her makes me so happy and it’s an added bonus if we play fetch outside because it’s one of the only times that I’ll actually willingly do some form of exercise and we all know that exercise is great for depression.

Get Support
I used to struggle with my mental health alone and bottle up my feelings but over the past year I’ve been opening up more and have learned that it’s okay to lean on people and get some support when you need it.

Rather than sit alone with my thoughts I’ll talk to my mum, best friend or counsellor about how I’m feeling. Sometimes just the act of opening up and getting stuff off my chest can make me feel better. 

Having open and honest conversations is so important to me and goes a long way in making my mental health manageable.

These are some of the things I do to self-care my mental health. If you’re not sure where to start with self-care, try keeping a diary of the things that have helped you when you’ve been having a bad time (and of the things that have made you feel worse so you know what to avoid.)

Get to know your mental health really well and start working more of the things that help you feel better into your schedule. You can either spread them out over the week or take out one day to have some me time.

Looking after your mental health is just as important as looking after your physical health and although self-care doesn’t solve all of life’s problems, knowing what works for you allows you to put strategies in place to help you cope and if that can make those bad days feel a little more bearable, then it’s worth it.

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