On Body Shaming, Celebrities, and Those Photos

Image source: BuzzFeed Style

I'm pretty passionate about body positivity. I think it's vital that we all try and learn to love our bodies as they are, but that's not so easy when we live in a society where shaming people, but especially women, for their bodies is the norm.

But there's thoughtless, I-don't-realise-what-I'm-doing body shaming, where the shamer thinks they're doing the right thing, coming from a place of concern - "You're looking a little skinny, have you been eating?" or "Are you doing ok? I've noticed you've put on some weight, and I'm worried about you." - and then there's the worst kind of body shaming, the purposeful kind where insults and slurs are hurled at people for their own amusement.

With technology as it is right now, this can be a whole lot worse. Now, you don't have to step outside your front door to get abuse, you just have to go on the internet. Trolls seem to be everywhere, and they take great delight in ridiculing people for their bodies, and trying to upset them. We all know this is disgusting, but what's got me recently is seeing the lengths celebrities - or at least people who are "known" - will go to.

Actress Chloë Grace Moretz tweeted on Monday her thoughts on the whole Taylor Swift/Kim Kardashian/Kanye West debacle. Khloé Kardashian responded with "Is this the a hole you're referring to @ChloeGMoretz ???" along with two photos, one of Chloë from the waist up in a red bikini top next to another photo of a blonde girl in a red bikini whose back is to the camera, the guy who was carrying her having accidentally (hopefully) pulled her bikini bottoms to the side, showing her anus. Chloë responded  with "fact check: first photo is me filming my movie Neighbors 2, the second photo is some girl who was wrongfully photographed", with a follow up tweet of a photo of her wearing blue bikini bottoms with the red bikini top. (Read more here.)

And on 14th July, Playboy Model Dani Mathers took a photo of a naked woman in the locker room of a gym and posted it on Snapchat, with the words, "If I can't unsee this then you can't either." (Read more here.)

That we know the identity of the two women in those photos doesn't matter, we don't need to know. What matters is that these women were body shamed, photographs taken without their permission in at least one case, both photos that neither woman would want to be made public. It is absolutely horrifying to me that so called celebrities would do this. I don't give a damn who they are, they are in the public eye, they are sharing these photos online publicly; by doing this, not only are they humiliating those poor women in despicable ways, they are body shaming, and they are pretty much sending out a message to the world that shaming women about their bodies is perfectly ok.

It's absolutely bloody disgusting and I can't even begin to tell you how enraged and absolutely devastated it made me that these women would do such a thing. We don't have to all get along, we don't have to like each other, but Christ, aren't we dealing with enough from the media without adding to it? We should be celebrating each others' normal, real, human bodies. There is absolutely nothing wrong with how we look. Faye posted on Friday about how she finds it difficult to think positively about herself and how hard it is for her to believe her friends who compliment her. Faye isn't the only one, there are so many of us who really struggle with looking at ourselves in the mirror and loving what we see. We don't need the rich and famous ridiculing bodies like our own - in any way, let alone in such a despicable way.

What we need is to celebrate each others bodies. We need to compliment each other when those thoughts of "Wow, she looks stunning!" cross our minds. Tell each other, and mean it when you say it. And we have to, like Faye, slowly try and believe what people are telling us. To look in the mirror and instead of focusing on what we don't like, focus on what we do.

My body has been changing recently, and it's taken a while to get used to. My cellulite and stretchmarks are a lot more visible now, and it has been getting me down. But instead of paying too much mind to that, I try revel in how I now feel more womanly, how, with every day that passes, I love the contrast between my hair colour and skin colour, how more often than not these days, I'm seeing a woman with a pretty face. Who cares about the bloody cellulite and stretchmarks?

We need to learn to love ourselves, and celebrate each other rather than put each other down. We need to not laugh and congratulate celebrities when they do things that are so horrific. We need to stand up and say we've had enough of the body shaming. We need to stand up and say, "We're all different, but we're all beautiful!"

There are some wonderful people out there who are doing so much to try and promote body positivity. I highly recommend you check out Megan's blog BodyPosiPanda and follow her on Instagram, as well as following Paola at Chubbybabe_. Know of any others we should be following? Please leave a comment or tweet us with the links!



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Big and Beautiful?

I am a fat girl.

I haven’t always been a fat girl. As a teenager I fluctuated between a UK size ten and twelve, it was only when my agoraphobia developed and I started taking antidepressants that I began to pile on weight. At my largest I was a size 22 and as of right now I am a size 16-18. Since putting on weight I have never really been comfortable in my body and have felt that it is something that I should be ashamed of and try to hide. I’ve avoided the bright and fashionable clothes that I wanted to wear in favour of dark tunics that hide my figure, there are fashion trends that I haven’t tried because I didn’t feel like I could “get away with them” and there are jeans that I’ve bought in a smaller size to entice me to lose weight.

Big and beautiful are two words that you never see together in a sentence and this year I’ve been really challenging why that is. What is it about being a bigger woman that is so unacceptable in our society? After a lot of research and questioning it seems there are two main reasons society tells us that we cannot be both big and beautiful.

1.) Being fat is unhealthy 

2.) Fat people are unattractive

Last week I went to see my doctor for a check-up, he asked me to step on to the scales so that he could update my medical file with my current weight. Turns out in the last few months I’ve lost almost a stone. My doctor, a medical professional, praised me for this weight loss and told me to keep up the good work. He did not ask me how I had come to lose the weight and if he had I would have told him that it was through a month of barely eating anything because my anxiety and depression were so bad and because stress would make me physically sick every day. As far as my doctor was concerned this weight loss was good and healthy, but was it really?

There is a lot of misinformation out there saying that fat people are lazy, that we eat too much junk food and are unhealthy but I have come to learn that that isn’t always true. I can’t claim to have the heathiest lifestyle ever but I do eat well and I do exercise. I eat fruits and salad for breakfast and lunch, I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine and every day I exercise when I take my dog out for a walk or run. I am not unhealthy and I’m not the only person who is carrying some extra weight whilst still living a healthy lifestyle - check out Faye’s brilliant post on the subject here. Assuming that every single fat person is unhealthy is like assuming that every thin person has an eating disorder. Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes that aren’t necessarily influenced by lifestyle. So is being fat always linked to being unhealthy? I’m gonna have to say no.

Body shapes and sizes go in and out of trend as much as fashion. In the fifties society thought it desirable to have a fuller curvier figure like Marilyn Monroe. In the nineties a thin straight up and down frame came into fashion with the arrival of Kate Moss and now in 2016 women are paying money to have the curves in all the right places look that the Kardashians are so well known for. What this tells me is that the “perfect body” is always changing, so doesn’t that suggest that there isn’t one superior body type? That every size is perfect and has been celebrated at some point throughout history? Despite Marilyn, Kate and Kim having very different bodies they all have one thing in common: confidence. They have each stepped out into the limelight rocking their body shapes unapologetically. I think that the confidence in their own skin is what’s desired here, not the actual body type and that the two things often get confused. So are bigger ladies really unattractive? Again, I’m going to have to say no.

Upon realising that the reasons most commonly given on why big can’t be beautiful are totally false and inaccurate I took a long hard look at my own body in the mirror. It was like taking off this lense that we’re all conditioned to develop and for the first time I saw myself for who I truly am and I liked what I saw in the mirror. Before, if a stranger was to ask me how I would describe my body I would say "curvy" or "full figured" to try and soften the image of what my body looks like. The F word was big and ugly and undesirable and wrong. But now I am learning to reclaim what it means to be fat in the same way that homosexuals have reclaimed the word queer and made it into this word that they identify with and how nerdy people have shown that being a geek really just means being smart and passionate. I think it’s time that we did the same thing with the word fat. I’m reclaiming it as my own by being unapologetic about who I am showing that fat means confidence, fat means healthy, fat means happy. When being fat becomes reconditioned in your mind to mean all of these wonderful things instead of what society tells you it should mean it suddenly takes away the power that word has to hurt you and turns it into something beautiful.

This year I have been on a journey in coming to terms with who I am and loving all of me, not just the parts that society deems acceptable. I’ve learnt that it’s okay to love the parts of you that society says are not worthy of love. Flip them the bird and show them that a big butt looks awesome in jeans, that you can rock the latest trends no matter your size, show the fuckers that you are beautiful and most of all worthy of love, self-love, the best kind of love that there is.

I am big and I am beautiful and no matter your body type you are too.

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Damp Patch

Today I want to talk about something that I don’t think gets talked about enough: vaginal discharge.

I can remember the very first time I found out about it. I was about ten or eleven and I woke up one morning with soaking wet pyjama shorts. I was so embarrassed and I thought I’d wet myself so I wrote a note to my mum (I used to do this all the time as I was too ashamed to say things out loud) and told her that I thought I’d wet myself yet it didn’t smell or look like urine; it was almost like I’d spilt a whole bottle of water in my lap.

My mum was really great and told me all about vaginal discharge and so I felt a lot more confident that what had happened was normal and completely fine. I sort of just didn’t really think about it anymore for a while; I used pantliners to stop my underwear getting damp (it’s a personal choice as I know some women don’t like using them but I find they help me to feel fresh and comfortable throughout the day) until one day in the playground I started to feel like I should be ashamed of it. A group of friends were sitting cross legged on the grass, some of the girls were wearing skirts, and one of the boys pointed out that one of the girls had a wet patch on her knickers. The rest of the boys made comments about how gross it was etc and suddenly there was yet another thing I needed to be ashamed of.

And I don’t think any woman should be ashamed of it. It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s healthy. Obviously it must be mentioned here that any abnormal discharge or smelly discharge could be down to an infection so it’s always worth getting things checked out if you’re not sure it’s normal. But vaginal discharge can vary in colour depending on your time in the month; it can vary in thickness, in quantity and also in appearance.  Some women just naturally have more than others and it can also vary if, for example, you’re on a contraceptive pill.

I’ve had friends in the past who were ashamed to buy a packet of pantliners in the supermarket or feel the need to hide their sanitary products out of sight. COME ON GIRLS, don’t feel ashamed.

I used to be so shy, especially around boyfriends about my vagina being fucking awesome and cleaning itself. (YAY FOR AWESOME VAGINAS) I would never let them see my underwear if I had a pantliner on and I would try and hide them in my toiletry bag. Now, however my boyfriend is pretty much immune to everything that happens down there! I had a box of pantliners on his chest of drawers when I stayed there often, I would stick them on my knickers in front of him and to be honest, it doesn’t really seem to bother him anymore. And I think he rocks for not caring.

Too often women are made to feel embarrassed or ashamed about normal and natural bodily functions. We’re told talking about periods is gross or that anything coming out of our vagina that isn’t related to how turned on we are is horrid. But I’m proud of my body and proud of my self-cleaning vagina. And so should you!! 

Have you ever been made to feel like you should be ashamed of vaginal discharge? Have you ever had an unfortunate incident....? 

I once went to the beach wearing a pantliner and did all the frolicking in the sea and had a whale of a time. I didn't wear a swimsuit or bikini as I hated my body but I still went in the sea with some fast drying clothes on! I must have been about 14 at the time. 

I was walking back home with a male friend from the beach when I felt something fall out of the bottom of my trousers. When I turned around to look MY GODDAMN PANTLINER WAS IN THE ROAD. Clearly the sea water affected the stickiness of the pantliner and it was no longer stuck to my underwear!! 

I was so embarrassed so just styled it out and pretended nothing had fallen out of my trouser leg...and I walked away and left it there. OH THE SHAME...
I learnt my lesson...never wear them when you're going in water!!! 

Now I've shared my embarrassing story, it's only fair you share yours!! 

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Where Have All of the Labia Gone?

When I was a teenager I thought I had a weird vagina.

In this day and age vaginas are everywhere. It’s easier than ever to access porn thanks to the internet. Whether they’re in a picture, gif or video, vaginas can be found all over the place. But as a teenager, no matter how many different vaginas I saw, they all looked exactly the same and nothing like my own.

Frankly, where have all of the labia gone!?

Back when I was thirteen I didn’t know what labia was (if you’re not familiar, they’re the outer and inner lips that surround the entrance to the vagina) all I knew was that the women in porn and my science text books didn’t have what I have.

And that made me feel like a freak.

Was I not normal?

Was something wrong with me? 

Many years later it turns out that the answer is no. Labia minora (inner lips) and labia majora (outer lips) are a completely normal part of the vagina and I wish this was something that I knew earlier in life so I didn’t have to feel so self-conscious about it.

Even though I now know what a normal vagina looks like and that they all look very different, I’m well aware that there are so many girls out there who feel the same way I did. Labiaplasty – a surgery removing the labia minora – is on the rise with girls as young as fourteen going to their GP asking for the procedure because they don’t think that their vagina looks normal.

The main reason for the increasing popularity of labiaplasties seems to be because teenage girls and young women don’t know what “normal” looks like. Talking about sex is becoming less taboo but it seems that talking about our vaginas is still off topic. Instead girls are relying on porn and text books (seriously sex ed?) to see images of other vaginas which are far from reliable sources.

Many porn stars have had labiaplasty so that the vagina entrance is more visible, so seeing an image of what a natural vagina looks like is hard to come by. With no sex education on the matter is it any wonder that more teenage girls are growing up thinking that there is something wrong with the way that their vagina looks?

Sadly another factor that comes into it is boys. Because teenage boys are also not given any sort of education on what women’s genitalia actually looks like they’re also seeing their first vaginas in porn. I’ve heard of girl’s with completely normal looking labia being referred to as having “hanging ham” or “beef curtains” by their sexual partners. If this has ever happened to you take comfort in knowing that this is down to sheer ignorance on your partner’s behalf. Oh and also? They’re an asshole.

For the record, all vaginas look completely different. The labia minora can be tucked in or stick out, it can be darker or lighter than the rest of the vulva, they can be straight or wavy, thin or thick, wrinkled or smooth, and like boobs one can also be bigger than the other. In length labia can be anything from 0-4 inches long.

I’d really recommend getting a hand mirror and taking a look down there. Find out what is normal for you. I promise that whatever you’re looking at is a completely healthy and ordinary vagina.

There are some brilliant websites out there that are doing fantastic work in educating women everywhere about the diversity of labia. I’d really recommend checking out Love Your Labia and The Great Wall of Vagina for a more accurate viewing of all of the different types of vaginas out there.

I wanted to speak up today because it seems like, once again, society has far too much to say about our bodies. The vagina is just another body part that’s being used to make us women feel inferior. Your vagina doesn’t belong to society or to your partner, it belongs to you. By talking about what looks normal for us we’re raising awareness and busting harmful stereotypes on what a “pretty vagina” should look like.

Remember, if a guy ever tries to shame you about any part of your body then he’s an asshole. No matter what your vagina looks like there will be someone out there who loves it and won’t want to change it to make it a more appealing hole for them to have sex with.

Take a look at your vagina, take a look at other people’s vaginas, if you feel comfortable bring up the topic with someone you trust and know that there’s nothing wrong in doing so. Your vagina belongs to you and I think it’s about time that we all showed our bits a little more love.

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