And for the most part, everyone has been incredible supportive. Some asking for further clarification and others going out of their way to help me, such as by allowing me to be the first person to take food from a buffet. And I cannot thank these people enough. Because of their support, I know that I am testing my boundaries and getting better and stronger every day.
But then there are some people who do the worse thing possible. They laugh. I have had one person find it hilarious that my brain goes from something as simple as eating to thinking I am going to die. They were apologetic and explained that they’re not laughing at me as such but more because it is such a silly thought. And I agree, it is pretty silly but that laughter? It undermines the true struggle I go through daily when it comes to eating food.
Because laughing makes me feel weak and stupid. It makes me feel silly. And then I feel myself wanting to put a bubble around me. Wanting to go and hide in my room and not see anyone or anything or do anything either. It makes me want to let my Mental Illnesses win so that people understand how unfunny it really is.
Needless to say this is so damaging.
I’ve also been around when someone else laughed at someone else’s OCD issues and it really grated on my nerves then. It was a small chuckle but I could see that my friend’s guard went straight up and I knew that she was struggling just as much as I was.
So all I really want to say in this post is please be careful with your emotions when someone is sharing something as scary and deep with you as their mental health issues. They are not funny. They are serious and life altering. Laugh in your own space about it, sure, but please don’t laugh in our faces.