I've had a difficult few weeks. My powerchair broke so I spent the better part of three weeks stuck at home. I went from going out independently at least once a day to going up to a week without leaving the house and not being able to do without struggle and help. And it needs to be replaced. I've got a loan chair now which helps a bit but I feel a bit in limbo. We had a death in the family too, an elderly relative whose death was expected so whilst it wasn't a huge shock it's still tough to deal with.
And the news is full of atrocities too from the attack in Orlando to the murder of MP Jo Cox yesterday.
Bad news and difficult things wherever I turned. It's all a bit overwhelming and upsetting and I could feel my mental health slipping. I got rather irrationally angry about a few things that I knew would otherwise have been simple frustrations for one thing.
Now, to be completely honest I have coped with the powerchair situation much better than I could have done. It was the whole of everything all at once and the fact that few over a week there was no sign of situations resolving that was the problem.
There is now a plan, I have a new chair on order and it's going to be better than the one I had before. It's also going to be the colour of my choice - black! (My last chair was only available in red. It was a nice red but I would never have chosen it). I have a loan chair so I'm getting out a bit again. And I'm moving away from the immediate things are tough survival mindset I was in to one of self care.
Self care isn't an easy place to be because it's hard to put myself first.
I'm making plans for when I've got my own wheels. I've decided that I need things to look forward to so I'm making sure I get them. Plans are very rough but it looks like I'll be off to London at least twice and having a day out with my Dad somewhere else (we've decided what we'll do but where and when is up in the air).
I'm avoiding the news today because it's stressing me out. That feels particularly wrong because I'm studying journalism, I'm supposed to be keeping abreast of the news. But it's what I need.
I'm spending long periods away from the Internet because social media especially is making my mental health worse.
I'm taking naps. Naps are good. They feel unnecessary but I always feel better after them.
I'm trying to read or knit or do one of my hobbies everyday.
And as tough as it is I'm trying to accept that people want to help and take those offers of help up when I need to.
But I still feel that self care is something I struggle with, perhaps don't even deserve and I need to get better at it. If anyone has any tips or tricks, they would be most welcome!