Finding The Balance

One of the things that is often mentioned when you talk about stress is that you need to find your work-life balance. You shouldn't be a work-a-holic because it impacts your social life. But you mustn't be too social as it'll impact your working life. You have to find the perfect balance to sort out your life and make you feel less stressed and more at peace with the world.

And I do agree.

To an extent.

As someone who is particularly struggling with work at the moment for many, many reasons, finding the work-life balance has been incredibly difficult for me. I want to go out and be social and have fun but I also know that work will stress me out and tire me out and actually all I'll really want to do is be on my own and sleep the evening away. And thus, if I let it, my life could easily become work, sleep, work, sleep and nothing else. Not exactly a great work-life balance, eh?

So, to counter this issue, I plan. I plan trips away. I plan evenings out. I plan trips to the cinema and meet ups with friends and day plans and weekend plans. I aim to keep my life from just being about work and sleep. I aim to see friends and family, to use these moments to keep my brain (as) sane as it can be. Because if I didn't then surely I would crumble. I would be too stressed. I'd overwork my brain and I'd have nothing to keep my mood from deflating back into depression.

The problem that I currently have with my life balance is that I am doing it all wrong for my personal circumstances. If you remember, I spoke in this post about how I'm currently chronically tired. I get tired more often, my muscles scream at me consistently and I am basically just struggling to function as a normal human being. Add in a healthy dose of anxiety and you might just see why my life balance needs to be more than just work and social outings. 

But I seem to be unable to grasp this fact.

It is almost like my brain is in a complete and utter state of denial over my current predicament. No, it tells me, you don't need that day to rest, you'll be fine. Make plans for that day or that evening and enjoy yourself. You can rest when you're dead.

And so I listen. And I plan. And I plan. And I plan.

And then, because my body isn't this amazing perfect shell, I usually have to cancel. A lot. And every single time I do, I feel guilty. I promised that I would be there. I'm letting someone down because my brain and body are not co-operating. And then I work myself up so that essentially I can't relax and give my body the rest it so badly needs in the first place.

So from here on in, I want to continue to strive to plan but now, I also need to plan rest days and rest evenings. I need to plan the time that I'm going to switch off from the world and just let my brain and my body re-cooperate. I need to before I ruin my body any further.

And then maybe, just maybe, I can find my life balance.