Friday, 26 August 2016

One Step At A Time

So you all read this post, right? Where I explained how my entire life has recently been turned upside down and I had to go from being really active to barely able to walk for five minutes without dying. It's been tough. Emotionally and physically for me. There have been times when I've wanted to just give up on trying to be better and just stay in bed all day. Times when I've felt guilty for not being able to walk up the stairs and having to take the lift, guilty for asking someone I'm with if we could slow down or stop because I felt unable to carry on. 

I have also spent a lot of time wondering if I'm making a big thing out of a small thing. That maybe I am just unfit and causing a fuss.

And I keep going back to that thought.

Over and over again.

And it is because I am starting to get better. I still am nowhere near where I was. I am still scared of even trying to work a full time job and there is no way I could walk to and from work or go out jogging again but I am not the same person I was in January wherein I had to spend days in bed to recover from small activities.

So because I'm getting better, and I'm starting to feel better. I wanted to just write a quick post on here to tell you about some of the things that I've achieved lately that I've been proud of. Things that seven-eight months ago, I never would have managed. Because then I can show to you and also to myself, that I am on the road to recovery. I may never get to where I was but if I keep working, I might get somewhere near to it.

  1. I can climb the three flights of stairs at work without crying out in pain.
  2. I can walk for a good half hour before I need to slow down.
  3. I can carry heavy piles of books and/or bags again
  4. I don't feel as achy when I wake up in the morning
  5. I don't feel as achy after driving for 30minutes.
  6. Yesterday I climbed the equivalent of 15 flights of stairs and while I was out of breath, my legs and hips did not hurt until 4 hours later. Which is unheard of.
Of course, with all those amazing achievements, I still have things that I do now or cannot do now that I used to be able to, such as:

  1. If I've been driving for a long time, my left arm is more comfortable in my lap then on the steering wheel, giving my muscle a break.
  2. I still cringe at the idea of running and how much my muscles will hurt me for the task.
  3. If I don't do my physio exercises, I can struggle to get out of bed.
  4. I am still incredibly exhausted most days.
  5. When I have done too much, I can barely get up out of the chair as I hurt all over.
  6. I'm still getting bizarre and annoying pains in my fingers and knuckles.
I am not 100% okay but I am better than I was and I am so happy about it. If I could get to a point where I could job for 10mins once a week, I think I will be happy with life again. That is my ultimate goal and I am going to make it. I'm sure of it.

It's all just about taking it one step at a time.


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No judgment, no hate, because it is already tough enough being a girl.