Coming out is monumental for anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA+. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Some people write letters, others bake rainbow cakes covered in sprinkles. How I came out isn’t nearly as well-planned or delicious.
Early
last year, I found myself falling in love for the first time. I didn’t see it
coming. We’d been friends for a while, but literally overnight, something
shifted in our friendship. I found myself on a crazy, passionate and utterly
terrifying roller coaster with another girl.
She
was witty, talented and beautiful. Sometimes I felt like I’d won a prize to
stand next to her. Neither of us were ready to be out, but for the first time, I had to
accept a side of myself that I’d ignored.
Months
passed and the more sure I became of her and our secret relationship, the more
doubts seemed to creep into her mind. Eventually, she broke my heart.
At
first, I tried to hide my heartbreak from my family and friends. It was 3pm on a
Sunday when I knew I had no other option than to tell them - I wasn’t coping
and I couldn't hide it anymore. Before I could change my mind, I stumbled into
the kitchen and tried to tell my mum the secret that had been hanging over me
for months. I choked on the words. For the next half an hour, she just held me
until I could whisper what was wrong:
I was in love with a girl.
The girl had just shattered my heart.
I
was sorry for lying to her and dad and I hoped they still loved me.
What
happened next is something we all hope for. My mum smiled and
told me whoever I decided to spend my life with would never stop them loving
me. In fact, she’d guessed months ago and had been prepping my dad for the revelation.
I went to bed that night knowing how unbelievably lucky I was.
I came
out to my friends next. Some were extremely hurt – they felt like I’d lied to
them, and didn’t trust them. For a while, our friendships were difficult and
rocky. I felt huge amounts of guilt because of this. Maybe if I’d come out ‘properly’,
when I was ready and had planned to, they’d have taken it better. Despite their
feelings, they still dragged me out for coffee, bought me bath bombs and told
me it’d get better.
And
it did. Happiness seeped back into my life. But this notion of not coming
out 'properly', in the way I wanted, kept tormenting me. As
the time passed, I started to realise something important. No, I didn't
get to come out the way I hoped to, but that really didn't matter at all. In
all of this, I had missed the most important point:
Coming
out, for any reason, in any fashion, sets you free.
Tips for coming out:
- Beforehand, binge watch every gay or semi gay tv show – OITNB! The L World! Queer As Folk! When We Rise!
- Only come out if it's safe to do so - your safety is more important than anything else.
- If it isn't safe, bide your time. Make plans, start saving money, and know that one day, you'll be able to.
- Don't let anyone pressure you into coming out.
- Expect to feel elation, followed by surrealism, followed by exhaustion.
- You might find it easier to come out to strangers at first, rather your friends and family. Don’t feel guilty – it’s a practice run.
- People will ask a lot of questions. Don’t feel that you need to answer anything you’re uncomfortable with.
- If you’re like me and don’t ‘look gay’, you’ll have to come out again, and again and again. That’s okay – you’ll get super creative with your methods!
- If your family and friends truly love you, they’ll keep loving you, even if they struggle to understand it.
- You’ll find life is suddenly a lot lighter and brighter when you’re not hiding anymore.
Advice Websites:
0 comments:
Post a Comment
No judgment, no hate, because it is already tough enough being a girl.