Wednesday 17 February 2016

Liveblog your Period - a bloody nuisance

So I hadn’t intended my first post to be so very personal but hey this is Safe Space where we can gripe about our periods at length without it being weird. I thought it would be amusing to chronicle my thoughts & feelings during this period rather than just venting my spleen to my OH. At this current moment of writing (Sat 30th Jan) I haven’t started bleeding yet but that odd spidey sense I have that says it’s imminent is making me run to the bathroom paranoid every hour or so to check that I haven’t murdered my underwear. Do other women get that odd feeling that you’re leaking? But then it’s not blood? It’s extra discharge that just makes you pissed off, like you're being trolled by your vagina.

I’m one of those very lucky women who has always had regular periods since they started when I was 12. I can’t honestly remember if I found them super troublesome when I was a teen but now I’m in my twenties I’ve gotten good at recognising the different stages of my cycle & reading the signs that my period is due so I can start packing pads in my handbag (I’ve never been a tampon girl, pads are my jam). The only time I’ve gone a while without periods is when I tried birth control pills (Cerazette which you can take all month) but that ended rather badly when I had a serious reaction to the pills about four months after I started on them.
Yes those are my bare legs, yes I do have pixie feet.
Autumn/Winter 2014 was possibly the worst period of physical health I’ve ever had; I came down with Glandular fever while in Verona and then 2 months later I had to have over a week off work because I couldn’t walk due to the swollen lumps that appeared on my legs (Erythema Nudosem was the eventual diagnosis). Since I don’t take any other medication we surmised that it had to be the Cerazette causing the problem. No more birth control pills for me then.

I honestly don’t mind having periods since without some kind of reminder to take my pill every day I’d very quickly fall out of using it at all. I have thought about getting the implant but without knowing if I would have a reaction to it I’m wary of having it in case I suddenly need to get it dug back out of my arm because my legs start ballooning again. Yikes.

So it’s Sunday. Still no period. Paranoia is still rife. *exasperated sigh* Now just feeling listless & sleepy. I’ve not even started and I’m already fed up with the whole affair.

Monday Afternoon - Well hi there period, nice of you to show up finally after I was expecting you all weekend. I had cleared my schedule all nice and welcoming like and then you leave me hanging. Instead you decided to gate-crash my afternoon at work like a rude bitch. Murderised my knickers to boot. At least I hadn't risked my nice fancy pairs ¬_¬

So now I have cramps to make life all the more delightful. I shouldn't complain though since compared to some of the horror stories I've heard from friends about *their* cramps mine are fucking mild as shit. By tomorrow the cramps will have pretty much subsided and by next Monday it'll all be over for another month anyway.

I am feeling pretty “bleh” this week. I imagine the wacky hormones are partly responsible for my low mood but it still sucks to get home from work to just sink into the sofa for the rest of the night, too lacking in fucks to actually do those various important things I need to do. I hope this lethargy buggers off tomorrow or I’m going to have a rather stressful weekend trying to catch up with everything.

Well now it’s Saturday again and we’re nearly at the end of another whirl of the unmerry-go-round. For me once the first two or three days are done then it’s just a pretty boring affair of downgrading the pads until you can risk going au naturel. It’s normally around this time that the urge to hurry things along kicks in and by that I mean giving your body a little helping hand in clearing the last lingering icky feeling of being on your period *lusty wink*.

Putting it bluntly – have a bloody wank. Quite, er literally? *ahem* Anyway, there is scientific proof that says having an orgasm helps relieve pain & in my experience (there will be a whole post on that in the future) it does a damn good job of both tricking your period into starting when it’s just fannying you about and also helping it to bugger off when it’s lingering like an annoying door-to-door salesman.

So yeah, love yo’selves or if you have a significant other who’s up for it then I highly recommend that you check out this video that the amazing Gracie did with The Site talking about Period Sex. And just check out Gracie’s blog if you haven’t already because her posts are fucking epic :P. Seriously though. Go read her blog. Now.

Before I am run away with my feelings I think it’s time for this post to be ending otherwise I’ll still be writing it when this whole bloody business starts again. Just give it two more weeks and there Mother Nature will be, looking smug af like.

It’s so lovely being a woman isn’t it?


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No judgment, no hate, because it is already tough enough being a girl.