I don’t know about you but the past ten or so years of my life have been a lesson in how to be female. I’ve had to learn everything about my own body, what certain parts of it are for, how they work, why they do weird stuff sometimes and what I have to do to make sure I keep it in tip top shape.
But aside from a few teenage magazines and a self-help book for teenage girls that didn’t have enough about how to ‘do sex’ in it for my fifteen year old self, I was left pretty clueless. Of course I could have asked my mum who was always on hand to explain everything and anything without embarrassment. But ewww, who wants to talk to their mum about pubes and stuff?!
So here are my top five tips compiled from my own failings as a teenage girl/young woman in the hope that they might help you!
Shave your legs in the direction of hair growth
*small clap* yes, it might be obvious, I know. But for teenage me when faced with the prospect of shaving my legs, I went a bit off-piste. Instead of doing it gradually and in some sort of order, I just started shaving the hair off in all different directions. Thankfully my shins were shaved in the right direction but my calves are a whole other story. I shaved them SIDEWAYS. Yes, sideways. WTF WAS I THINKING. So now all the hair on the backs of my legs grows sideways.
Fucking brilliant. So, don’t do this if you’re new to shaving. Just take your time and be sensible!
Don’t shave your pubes I’M WARNING YOU.
NO. DO NOT GO NEAR THEM WITH A RAZOR FOR GODS SAKE. I used to shave ALL of my pubes off with a razor and, well, there’s never been pain/discomfort/ingrown hairs like it. One of my teenage boyfriends used to love it being completely bare. THANKS PORN. So I would routinely shave it all off only to have to endure the pain of it growing back and a few nicks on the ol’ labia every now and then. WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?! As I’ve got older I’ve realised that actually I think pubic hair is sexy. It denotes adulthood and stops you looking like a pre-pubescent teen. I mean, tidy it up all you want, get an electric shaver and go to town on that ol’ bush but don’t use a razor and then cry cos it’s shit. Make sure you use the right sort of tools for the job and, never ever ever ever ever shave your pubes for a man. THEY’RE NOT WORTH IT. A man should love you pubes or no pubes and should never pressure you into getting rid of them. (Plus pubes are there for a reason! But if you like the bare look then you rock it gurl.)
Your boobs will never ever look the same
Another thank you must go to porn and lads mags and allllll those pictures of women with perfectly symmetrical breasts and pert nipples. LOL. That is not real. I imagine 99% of those women have had boob jobs cos gurl, your boobs are never gon be the same. I have one bigger than the other and that’s normal and it’s more than natural. Don’t be made to feel inadequate because you are plagued with images of tanned, perky boobs. Your boobs are unique to you and they’re all the more amazing for it. (Also let’s just remember boobs are actually for feeding a baby, not for men to perve over but, well, life.)
Good luck with your periods
Basically you’re screwed. I’m 22 and I still have trouble dealing with the waterfall that escapes me every month. If I can go through a period without staining a) my pants b) my clothes and c) my bedsheets then I feel like I’ve won the fucking lottery. I don’t know if it’s just a thing I’m bad at? Or if it’s a universal woman thing but seriously, I still can’t deal with my periods without some sort of disaster each month. I mean it probably doesn’t help I was on and then off and then on again and then off again the contraceptive pill but my body still isn’t great at the whole bleedin’ with grace and dignity thing. And, if you are a woman whose got her shit together and can do periods then I BOW TO YOU, YOU GODDESS.
Wash your face
I sound like your mother. But seriously, wash your face. This is gross to admit and I actually hate myself for it but I only really started properly washing my face in the past year or so. Before I used to just rub a wet flannel over my cheeks quickly and be like ‘yep, done it’ when in fact that was a shit excuse for washing my face. Now I use proper face wash, scrubs, face masks, toners, moisturisers etc. My skin still isn’t amazing as I wish it was but oh god I don’t even want to imagine not washing my face now. It makes me feel so physically uncomfortable if I don’t wash my face morning and night!! Keep your face squeaky clean and you'll have fewer spots, fewer blocked pores and you'll look even more gorgeous than normal!
I mean, I hope some of that is helpful and I’ve not just shamed myself on the internet (probs have) but I really hope that it will help girls and women to know that we all struggle a bit sometimes with the whole ‘being a woman’ thing so don’t feel like you’re the only one who can’t do it all perfectly!